Andrew Harmon




Ask Ava...
by Ava Black

Dear Ava,

I am dating an amazing man who drives me wild sexually and the feeling is mutual. We have GREAT sex and I really have no complaints except we never seem to reach orgasm at the same time. If he finishes first, I am typically left unsatisfied or topping myself off. What can we do to make sure we climax at the same time?

Seeking Simultaneous Satisfaction

Oh SSS, wouldnít it be great if things happened as easily in real life as they do in the movies? You meet a guy, things are electric and you are fighting to keep your hands to yourself. Before you know it, youíre ripping each othersí clothes off and against the nearest wall. A few moans and groans later and you just experienced the most amazing and exhausting orgasms of your life AT THE SAME TIME! Whew! Nice right?

Itís not impossible, but itís highly unlikely to experience this with someone new, a booty call (unless heís in regular rotation), or a youngin. Orgasms of this magnitude are reserved for people who know each other quite well, are willing to listen and learn from each other, and arenít afraid to speak their minds before, DURING, and after sex. The keyword for you is Ďcommunicationí. There is absolutely NO WAY to achieve this lofty goal of mutual and mind blowing orgasm without initially talking and guiding each other through every moment. The reality is, it generally takes 3-5 seconds for a man to get an erection, and most women require some attention before the moisture kicks in. Thereís no way to sync those actions without open and honest conversation about what works, what doesnít, and the ultimate goal.

It sounds like a lot but trust me, itís SO worth the effort. Once it happens, you will speak about it often, attempt to recreate it regularly, and rarely will the memory resurface without Ďyour girlí having her own tingling moment. I will say, attempting this feat with a youngster (in his 20ís) could be futile. Greater success will be found with a man who has mastered control and can not only hold back, but simultaneously read your sexual signals and know how close, or far, you are from reaching the finish line.

Be warned, being whipped is not cute. Success could make it hard to walk away from even the most unacceptable behavior later on.
Enjoy the journey!

Dear Ava,

I just recently started having sex with someone new and itís been good. There is just one BIG problem, he will not go down on me. I figured it Ďdidnít work outí the first few times, so I finally asked and he confirmed he does not eat the ďkitty katĒ. Of course he has NO problem with me slobbing him down and swears Iím the best at it! Am I throwing away a good man over something silly?

Deal Breaker?

Ummm. YES! DEAL BREAKER!! I would have more sympathy for a man who admittedly has issues with oral sex, ALL of it, and recognizes it as a PROBLEM. But having issues with eating but not receiving is just plain selfish. Itís more than a deal breaker. His selfish nature runs deep and this will be the least of it. He will never put you or your needs first in any other area of your relationship either. Run, donít walk, to the nearest exit!

Many women will never reach orgasm any other way. He sounds like one of those men who thinks he can just pound it out, literally, for about 20 minutes and be done. And TOO many women have accepted this in his past and faked orgasms so he thinks heís Ďdoing the damn thingí. Be the first women to let him know, heís not. You will do him and the women after you a GREAT service to stand your ground and keep it moving.

Take your skill set to someone who appreciates you with proper reciprocation!

Dear Ava,
My girl is a hard nut to crack, literally. Prior to us being physical she had not been with anyone in well over a year. The problem? No matter WHAT I do I cannot get her to cum for me. I eat, I suck, I lick, I play and NOTHING works. She swears itís NEVER been a problem before and I feel so horrible I let her bring toys and do it herself. I hate that she can make herself cum in seconds when I can NEVER get her there. Is it possible she has bruised herself for a real mansí touch?

I Donít Vibrate

Kudos to you for recognizing the problem and attempting to fix it IDV! I firmly believe too much masturbation, with toys, does INDEED desensitize the clit for the real deal.

But itís not hopeless. Many women suffer from the oversaturation of the market to purchase self satisfying toys and enhancements. Many even keep micros close by for long trips and traffic! Seems extreme but contrary to popular belief we LIKE orgasms and we donít need them any less than the average man. Being single does not dissipate the desire and vibrating guarantees are hard to resist!

First things first, she needs to stop using toys. COLD TURKEY. She will look at you like youíre crazy, but she needs to only use her fingers. Phone sex at night will help her sleep because sheís likely become accustomed to having an orgasm before bed. When youíre together, use your fingers together. Over time, takeover and work up to your tongue (and no pointy stuff ok?). It may take a while, but she can get the sensitivity back and eventually it will all be up to you!
Patience is key.




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