Andrew Harmon


 

 

 

Sexual Communication

by: Natasha Watson, MHS, M.Ed., ABD Professional Sex Coach.


Ask any couple that’s been together for a significant length of time what their secret is and they will tell you, COMMUNICATION. Communication is the key to relationship success in general, but it becomes even more essential in sexual relationships. To master sexual communication, one must be able to:

• Be honest
• Read non-verbal cues
• Say what they like
• Be realistic
• Give and receive feedback

Honesty is the first step in effective sexual communication. Oftentimes, we are too embarrassed to ask for what we want. We fear rejection or worry what our partner might think about us. And even more so, we fear hurting our partner’s feelings. The fact is your partner is probably feeling all the same things. There are a few ways to initiate sexual communication with your partner. An ideal time to begin the conversation is during lovemaking. Incorporating sexual communication into sex play can make the experience more intimate. Ask your partner questions that require them to respond while in the act. For example:

• “Do you like when I touch your breasts?”
• “Would you like it if I put my tongue on your penis”
• “Do you like it when I kiss you here?”
• “Should I suck harder…softer?

Communicating in this way will enable you to figure out your partner’s sexual needs, likes and dislikes. I would also recommend that you reciprocate by verbalizing what you like during the act. Say things like:

• “I love it when you bite my neck like that.”
• “Baby, can you suck a little harder…softer?”
• “It feels so good when you run your tongue across my nipples.”
• “I love kissing you.”

This way, your partner learns what turns you on as well. However, communicating with your partner outside of the bedroom is just as important. During private moments such as when the two of you relaxing at home or eating dinner, ask your partner if there is anything they would like to try sexually. Ask them if they enjoy certain sex acts that you two engage in. Ask if they would like to experience more or less of anything. Express answers to the same questions from your perspective. Before you know it, a worthwhile dialogue will begin.

Non-Verbal cues are just as important as actually speaking. Body language, moaning and groaning send strong messages to your partner about what you enjoy. It is important not to pretend to be enjoying something that you are not, just to please your partner. If you writhe in pseudo-ecstasy every time your partner squeezes your nipples (but secretly hate it) your partner will continue to do this. If you fake an orgasm each time your partner runs their tongue across you clitoris (but you wish they wouldn’t do that) your partner will think that move is their “ace in the hole” and continue that behavior. After all, your non-verbal communication has taught them that this pleases you.

Instead, try redirecting you partner using your body and hands. If your partner is kissing you in a spot that you don’t like gently redirect them using your hands as a guide. When your partner does something you really like. Let it show! Arch your back, give a moan, and say YES, YES, YES. This positive feedback will reinforce to your partner that you like what they are doing. They will feel happy that they are pleasing you and you will feel satisfied that you are being pleased.

When embarking on the new journey toward sexual communication, be realistic. Do not expect that things will be perfect from the start. Sexual communication is a technique that must be learned and practiced. As your comfort level grows, so too will your ability to sexually communicate.

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Natasha has spent 15 years empowering people such as yourself to transform their lives by focusing on a client’s current state of sexuality. She moves her client’s towards future successes through education, mental reframing, intuitive guidance and behavioral training.
 






 

 

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