Cougar – [koo-ger]; NOUN.
An attractive woman (a.k.a. milf (n.) in her
30’s – 40’s who generally looks much younger and is ‘on the
I don’t like labels. Never have. The idea that a person can
be summed up in a word just makes no sense to me. Things are
never that easy. There is always an exception to the rule
and lots of gray areas. Not to mention almost every word in
the English language can mean something different to each
person. Cougar started out as one of my least favorite
society appointed titles.
I honestly never heard the term until a few years ago when I
was told I qualified by ‘intended prey’. I listened closely
to his definition as he excitedly explained that he could
‘handle me’ since I wasn’t his first. Almost everything else
he said came out sounding like the teacher from Charlie
Brown. I mean…who cares what he’s talking about anyway. LOOK
at him. YUM! I thought to myself, ‘…yes baby sho’ you right.
Do you live alone?’ Then he uttered a word I would never
associate with being a cougar, date. “Are you DATING
anyone?” I almost laughed out loud. WHY? You just labeled me
a cougar and by MY definition I’m guessing cougars don’t
This is why labels don’t work for me. First of all, I’m not
at all interested in dating you. Let’s be serious. You’re
what, 23? You aren’t really qualified to date me. I’m a REAL
grown up. Where will we go? What will we do? How will we
communicate and about what? These are not only questions you
should ask yourself, but the same ones naysayers will ask
when not-so-secretly judging you and your decision to move
forward with a young hottie. I’m convinced it’s part society
and part hater that draws out those types of comments.
Cougars, by my working definition, are non-committal. What’s
the fun of being a cougar if you have to choose just one?
Clearly we are not looking to settle down with you, start a
family, or build a life. We’ve been honest with you about
what we want – YOU. Not JUST you, but you right now.
Tonight. And if it’s fun, and good, and we don’t have to
teach you the basics and you have at least one trick
mastered, then maybe again tomorrow night and the night
after. But you never have to worry about taking us out since
it’s illegal to have sex in public places. You never have to
wonder if we’re mad because you haven’t heard from us in a
few days. We’re not. You can find comfort in knowing you
haven’t heard from us because our schedules won’t allow it
right now and other than planning our next session, what
else would we ever have to talk about?
There is nothing wrong with being forthright about your
intentions and clear about what you want in a relationship.
As a cougar, you should feel a sense of responsibility to be
honest regarding what you will mean to each other over the
next few weeks, months, and even years. No, we will never be
boyfriend and girlfriend. No, we will never marry. And no
matter how well you have mastered oral satisfaction and can
make us scream, we will never have babies for you and you
will never move in.
I know this may irritate age-appropriate men who feel
cougars are some kind of sell-out for wanting a younger
variety. But so what. Should we care about that? I don’t
remember any great outpourings of concern when they were
horny as hell and trying to screw the entire female
population during their sexual prime… AT 17! They wanted us
to understand that it ‘wasn’t their fault’, that ‘they just
couldn’t help it’, or my personal favorite ‘no matter what
you hear, you are my girl’. Is it my fault many of them
pretty much fizzled out shortly after that? No. And it’s
also not my fault I like having sex for longer than 10
minutes, enjoy a partner who feels the need to ‘strive’ for
his best performance over and over and over again, and wants
nothing more than the approval of an experienced woman from
who he will not only learn from but earn a level of self
confidence that’s genuine and not based on the supped up
egos of their jealous forefathers. Plus, who would choose a
45 year old man who MAY have one good run in them before
needing a 6 hour recovery period, over a 23 yr old sexual
energizer bunny if given the choice? NOT ME.
Call it what you want - cougar, milf (look it up if you
don’t know), or sell out. These are just titles and only you
can define what it means to you. I’ve come to accept being
labeled a cougar and accept it as a positive thing. I
personally have no intentions of selling myself out to
adjust to what society, or old men, feel is more socially
acceptable for me and my life. I am just a woman who enjoys
being hit on by younger men and have no problem hitting
back. Don’t get mad because I’m interested and turned on by
a man whose main priority is finding and hitting all of my
pleasure points. At 32, 35, 38, 40, or 43 I am in MY sexual
prime and trust me when I tell you…23 is not what it was
when you and I were 23.