Andrew Harmon



Urban Suburban Magazine - Relationships - The Roar of A Woman

By Ava Black

Cougar – [koo-ger]; NOUN. An attractive woman (a.k.a. milf (n.) in her
30’s – 40’s who generally looks much younger and is ‘on the hunt’ for
younger men.

I don’t like labels. Never have. The idea that a person can be summed up in a word just makes no sense to me. Things are never that easy. There is always an exception to the rule and lots of gray areas. Not to mention almost every word in the English language can mean something different to each person. Cougar started out as one of my least favorite society appointed titles.
I honestly never heard the term until a few years ago when I was told I qualified by ‘intended prey’. I listened closely to his definition as he excitedly explained that he could ‘handle me’ since I wasn’t his first. Almost everything else he said came out sounding like the teacher from Charlie Brown. I mean…who cares what he’s talking about anyway. LOOK at him. YUM! I thought to myself, ‘…yes baby sho’ you right. Do you live alone?’ Then he uttered a word I would never associate with being a cougar, date. “Are you DATING anyone?” I almost laughed out loud. WHY? You just labeled me a cougar and by MY definition I’m guessing cougars don’t date.

This is why labels don’t work for me. First of all, I’m not at all interested in dating you. Let’s be serious. You’re what, 23? You aren’t really qualified to date me. I’m a REAL grown up. Where will we go? What will we do? How will we communicate and about what? These are not only questions you should ask yourself, but the same ones naysayers will ask when not-so-secretly judging you and your decision to move forward with a young hottie. I’m convinced it’s part society and part hater that draws out those types of comments.

Cougars, by my working definition, are non-committal. What’s the fun of being a cougar if you have to choose just one? Clearly we are not looking to settle down with you, start a family, or build a life. We’ve been honest with you about what we want – YOU. Not JUST you, but you right now. Tonight. And if it’s fun, and good, and we don’t have to teach you the basics and you have at least one trick mastered, then maybe again tomorrow night and the night after. But you never have to worry about taking us out since it’s illegal to have sex in public places. You never have to wonder if we’re mad because you haven’t heard from us in a few days. We’re not. You can find comfort in knowing you haven’t heard from us because our schedules won’t allow it right now and other than planning our next session, what else would we ever have to talk about?

There is nothing wrong with being forthright about your intentions and clear about what you want in a relationship. As a cougar, you should feel a sense of responsibility to be honest regarding what you will mean to each other over the next few weeks, months, and even years. No, we will never be boyfriend and girlfriend. No, we will never marry. And no matter how well you have mastered oral satisfaction and can make us scream, we will never have babies for you and you will never move in.

I know this may irritate age-appropriate men who feel cougars are some kind of sell-out for wanting a younger variety. But so what. Should we care about that? I don’t remember any great outpourings of concern when they were horny as hell and trying to screw the entire female population during their sexual prime… AT 17! They wanted us to understand that it ‘wasn’t their fault’, that ‘they just couldn’t help it’, or my personal favorite ‘no matter what you hear, you are my girl’. Is it my fault many of them pretty much fizzled out shortly after that? No. And it’s also not my fault I like having sex for longer than 10 minutes, enjoy a partner who feels the need to ‘strive’ for his best performance over and over and over again, and wants nothing more than the approval of an experienced woman from who he will not only learn from but earn a level of self confidence that’s genuine and not based on the supped up egos of their jealous forefathers. Plus, who would choose a 45 year old man who MAY have one good run in them before needing a 6 hour recovery period, over a 23 yr old sexual energizer bunny if given the choice? NOT ME.

Call it what you want - cougar, milf (look it up if you don’t know), or sell out. These are just titles and only you can define what it means to you. I’ve come to accept being labeled a cougar and accept it as a positive thing. I personally have no intentions of selling myself out to adjust to what society, or old men, feel is more socially acceptable for me and my life. I am just a woman who enjoys being hit on by younger men and have no problem hitting back. Don’t get mad because I’m interested and turned on by a man whose main priority is finding and hitting all of my pleasure points. At 32, 35, 38, 40, or 43 I am in MY sexual prime and trust me when I tell you…23 is not what it was when you and I were 23.


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