Modern Black Family
I had the distinct honor and pleasure of interviewing two
wonderful couples. Mr. and Mrs. Warner who have been married
for 5 years and Mr. & Mrs. Adams who have been married for
over 20 years. Each couple answered several questions that I
posed to them in regards to what keeps their marriage on
track and what advice could they give to other couples.
Mr. & Mrs. Warner – Married 5 years
First and last name of husband and wife?
Glenn and Natosha Warner.
How many children and ages (if any):
We are a blended family. A daughter,
Courtney from a previous marriage and we have two sons
together, Cameron, 3 and Christian 2.
How many years have you been married?
our 5th wedding anniversary in September.
What attracted you two to each other?
attracted us to each other were our bonds with family. I
truly respected and admired that his parents raised two sons
in Washington, D.C. during the height of the introduction to
the crack epidemic and yet my in-laws maintained balanced in
their home and in their own marriage. They’ve been married
for 48 years. He saw the relationship that I had with my
own family and was impressed by how we interacted,
especially in how I was raising my daughter; with morals and
What is your spouse’s best quality?
best quality is his quiet roar. He is the complete opposite
of me and my outgoing and free-spirited personality. I can
meet and strike up a conversation with anyone while he is
more reserved. He states that my best quality is my “giving
nature” and my ability to see the good in many people.
How do you
resolve family issues/debates?
We believe that
pride must always take a ride. There is no situation
wherein pride gets in the way of apologizing when someone is
wrong. We equally believe that when the other is
apologizing you have to truly accept his/her apology and
move on as if that situation never occurred. I learned
years ago from a friend, “Never lose your marriage to a
.50 cent argument!”
How do you keep
the romance in your marriage?
We are each
other’s best friend. We have stolen moments by having
simple breaking of bread over a salad at a local deli.
We’re mature enough in our marriage to recognize we could be
at a fancy 5-star restaurant or a local fast food joint.
It’s not about the amount of money or the beautiful
atmosphere but it’s truly those stolen moments that keeps
the fire burning for us. Also, I’m an adult party
consultant so it doesn’t hurt to go into my bag of Kandi
every now again to test out our new products.
How do you deal
and resist outside temptation?
I don’t deal or
resist outside temptation by anything other than being real
with myself. Do I see attractive people and does he?
Absolutely! I have come to appreciate my husband for being
everything that I need or want in a man. I’m thankful in
that I find him extremely sexy and he’s the true love of my
life. I resist temptation by appreciating what I have in a
What is the bond
that keeps your family’s values strong?
God keeps our
marriage values strong. We’re not overly religious but we
do find that praying together in the morning and in the
evening is a good and solid way of helping us to recognize
that our marriage is a gift from God and we constantly aim
to please Him by appreciating and loving one another.
What are some of
the dos and don’ts of a successful marriage?
emasculate your husband; don’t belittle your wife. Listen
to your spouse and respect his/her love language. There
should never be a sports program or television episode on
that is so important that you neglect the needs of your
spouse. Respecting each other’s need for personal time and
then learning when to cut the outside world off and enjoying
time with one another. Lastly, don’t bicker over menial
things. If you know your spouse always does something that
you despise, before you begin pointing that finger at
him/her, take a careful evaluation of the things that upsets
him/her about you!
Be willing to
truly apologize when you’re wrong about something and
learning to forgive and forget other things. You are there
for each other not against one another.
What advice can
you give to others in regards to a successful marriage?
Find out what
works for you. What works for our marriage will not work
for some. Marriage and how it’s worked on is very
individualized. My husband always says, “keep people out of
your bedroom,” In other words, you would not allow someone
to sit and watch you sleep and know the intimate details of
your bedroom so keep them out of the intimate details of
your marriage and that includes mothers, fathers and your
children. Your marriage has two strands and the third
strand is with God.
Mr. & Mrs. Adams - Married 22 years
First and last name of husband and wife:
LaMonte and Saadia Adams
How many children and ages (if
21 year old twin boys
How many years have you been married?
What attracted you two to each other?
(LaMonte) Initially I was attracted to
Saadia’s beautiful legs which caught my attention from a
distance. There’s a little saying that goes like this…”She
looked good from far, but she’s far from good,”…meaning that
she looks good from a distance, but as you approach closer,
you vividly see that she is not attractive at all! This was
quite the contrary in respect to my wife. The closer I got,
the finer she became. When I complimented her on her legs
she magnetized me with her smile.
(Saadia) I thought he had nice eyes
behind his Malcolm X glasses when we first met at Temple
University. I always enjoyed our conversations, but I got
locked in by his Magical Massaging HandsJ
What is your spouse’s best quality?
After her love for the Lord, her best
quality is her undying love, caring and protection of our
sons. I know as a Christian Man, I am supposed to place my
wife second in my life after God, who is #1, but I have to
admit, my sons are number 2a and wife is 2b.
How do you resolve family issues/debates?
That’s easy,….it’s my way or the
highway!!! Just kidding. We both agree that we will
discuss the issue rationally, most of the time, and come to
the most reasonable and sensible conclusion. Of course,
during our twenty years of marriage, it hasn’t always been
How do you keep the romance in
Once our now 21yr old young men were
old enough to stay at home by themselves, we started taking
time to actually go out a few times a month. May it be going
to the movies, dinner, church events or marriage enrichment
events, we try to make it a point to spend some “quality
time” together. In the warmer months we will take 2 mile
walks together for exercise purposes and bonding. We try to
keep ourselves looking well for one another and pay
attention to one another. We give compliments when warranted
and occasionally will surprise each other with a present of
some sort, and it’s not anything expensive. I say that we
are a ‘corny’ couple, because we will have Panera Bread
dates, when one of us are studying for a class or for a
higher position at work.
How do you deal and resist outside temptation?
I resist outside temptation in these ways:
I know that if I do something that God doesn’t approve of,
regarding my vows and my marriage, HE will make me pay for
it. The Lord gives us free will, and I know that there are
positive and negative consequences to all actions, so in my
relationship and in my life I try to breed positivity.
I would never want to hurt my wife and dissolve the trust
that I’ve labored to restore. WHATEVER is done in the dark
shall ALWAYS come to light, no matter how long it takes. I
wasn’t always this clean, crisp, pristine husband. I have
had my trials and tribulations like every man, but we as a
couple always lean on our faith for strength, guidance and
I try to stay focus on family and the Lord’s tenets through
daily scripture reading, constant prayer and the use of my
internal morals and scruples.
I resist outside temptations through daily readings from the
bible. I also know that my husband is the best person for
me, so I wouldn’t risk losing everything that we have built
just to lose it over some stupid fling. Furthermore, these
men out here, nowadays, want to try to use women for more
than sex. They want to use your car, live in your house, use
your money and use you up. I’m GOOD!!!
What is the bond that keeps your
family’s values strong?
Our family values are Faith and
Family, in that order. At the risk of sounding too
“churchy” we both know that nothing can prosper without the
Lord’s blessing, grace and mercy! We give the glory to him
in everything that we do. We have strong family roots. Both
of us agree that the credit for our family values come
directly from our grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles and
all who played a significant part in our raring process. We
instill the same values in our sons. We truly believe that
these two values are definitely the ‘tie that bonds!’
What are some of the dos and don’ts of a successful
From a man’s stand point:
The Do’s: Listen to your wife talk,
and talk, and talk, and talk………., to her content. Do,
give your wife attention, make her feel special. Do,
tell her that you love her, at least a few times a day. We
do that in our family all of the time. If my wife or sons
are leaving out of the house, we tell one another that we
love them. Even when we are ending a phone conversation, we
do the same. Do, celebrate accomplishments. If your
spouse receives a promotion or a new position, make it a
point to acknowledge it by going out to eat. Going out to
eat doesn’t have to be a big presentation, we love going to
Buffalo Wild Wings as a family. Do, show appreciation
for the little things, like thanking them for picking up a
prescription, cooking dinner, or whatever. And for all the
men, “DO!”...run your house! You see, I run my
house…….”I run the vacuum, I run the washer/dryer and I run
The Don’ts: DON’T, SAY ANYTHING ABOUT
HER WEIGHT OR CLOTHES SIZE!!! Don’t,
be shifty and sneaky
acting. Don’t, call her out of her name, unless it’s
during a time of sensual passion, then it’s whatever,
whatever. Don’t, disrespect her. Don’t, sit
on your butt all day while she is cleaning the house, get up
and help. Things must be done in a joint effort. Don’t
let your woman go to work every day and you are home playing
X Box-Call of Duty. A man must contribute to the managing
of the house in some way.
From a women’s standpoint,
your man time to unwind before you hit him with a borage of
questions and conversation, after a long hard day of work.
Do allow him to feel like he is the king of the
castle. You notice how I said “allow him to feel
as if he is the king.” We all know, as Beyonce says, “Who
Runs The World,…….?” Do try to keep yourself
looking good and sexy for him. Do, break him off
proper (meaning to allow your man his physical desires)!
Do, wear some fragrances, shoes and clothing that he
likes, because what you won’t wear another woman will! Do
be respectful to his mother. Do, take care of the
kids and whole family well. As hard as it is to say this
ladies, you Do, have to sometimes just shut up, fall
back and let him handle the business (his conversations with
the insurance co., with the realtor, etc). Do,
occasionally, but gently, interrogate him about his
whereabouts, just so that he won’t think that it’s sweet
like that. Try not to turn it into an argument.
The Don’ts: Don’t disrespect him. Don’t
assassinate his character. Don’t attack his ego.
Don’t make him feel less than a man. Don’t
‘cuss’ him out. Don’t call him out of his name. Don’t
constantly run the streets with your girls, no matter how
innocent your outings are. Lastly, Don’t be all
“Joe” (overly friendly) with his male friends! You don’t
want your man suspecting you of nothing!
What advice can you give to others in regards to a
Keep God or whoever you worship as the
supreme being in your life! Be open and honest. Work at
your marriage, discuss issues that are bothering you. Work
together for a common goal. Love one another. And finally
give each other space sometimes.
**I want to thank both the Warners and Adams for sharing
their stories with Urban Suburban Magazine**
C Double R
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